You know, I keep meaning to come back to here and write something…Over and over and over…For quite a few months now. But each time I do, I find myself at a loss for words. Today, I think I have words, although their coherency is dubious.
I’m going on 8 months as an employee at the San Antonio Botanical Gardens. It’s an impressive feat for myself, to be honest, as usually at this mark, I already have my next adventure lined up and I’m composing a “Goodbye XYZ Country” post. But here I am, still. What’s changed?
I think my goals have changed, somewhat. Or at least, I’m fizzling out in certain areas. A large portion of my traveling was “in search of X.” Something happiness-contentment-discontent related. But after all of these years of it, what I’ve come to realize is that all of the mental-emotional baggage that creates discontent is coming along for the ride each time. And so, why bother, if I’m just going to bring the same worldview each time? Now, that being said, I still have dreams of airports and scenic vistas, but in the future, I think my approach will be a bit more nuanced.
How?..Uncertain still. I’m in a sort of holding pattern at the moment. I don’t do a lot with my free time. Work at the Gardens, which is probably as great a job as I’ve ever had. I’m in control of a large area, I’m outside in Nature, I have great coworkers, I have great benefits and it’s something I like to do. I still don’t think it’s my calling, but it’s a very comfortable place to ascertain what’s next.
Yes, I said it. What’s next?
Well, my artistic passions keep getting stoked by Life events, chance meetings…I went to see Komal, a spiritual teacher in Bastrop a few weeks ago, who was a former photographer himself. He said beautifully that “making art is an act of giving to everyone who views it. In the perception of beauty, we lose ourselves in what is being perceived and we see the divine.” I paraphrase in a somewhat more compact, poetic sense, but that was his message and it really stuck with me. So I have some prints coming in the mail tomorrow — going to enter a small photography competition with the Greater San Antonio Photography Club. I’m using this and this as my entries, the first done in a shining metallic finish and the second in a classic luster. 8×10 each, soon to be framed and matted.
I also went to Second Saturday downtown, which funnily enough, is literally right around the corner from the place I’m moving to this week. Like, a block away, as is the much larger First Friday. It was…Underwhelming, somewhat. Only a couple galleries and a few local artists in a single building. But it has potential — and I’m trying to work up the nerve (and probably $$) to do a gallery show there.
In my dreams, I see myself backpacking across Eurasia, camera in hand…I thread my way through mountain passes and have tea with villagers, and return in muddy boots and holey jeans to the States for galleries where the stories are told on canvas and in person. Everyone buys my art, and then I leave and do it all over again. Sort of what I was doing years ago, only moreso. So far its the buying part that I can’t figure out. But it’s slowly happening..Will it happen enough for me to travel again?