Beautiful Portraits at the Zoo today

The animals at the Taipei Zoo were all putting on a show for me today; it was a day for some exciting pictures! I think my favorites are of this African Elephant. He ambled across the enclosure to stand directly in front of me and wiggle his foot and trunk at me. I honestly think he was interested in seeing a black person for the first time in forever.

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He (She?) then took a stroll around, showing me his (her) beautiful flank. Beautiful, mate (lass)! Let’s see some more skin this time around. Work it for the camera!

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And then he (she) moons me. Classy. Real classy.

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That’s..That’s a big butt. More craters than the moon on that tush. That butt is so fat it has its own zip code. You so fat when you stepped on a scale, it showed your phone number. You so fat I took this picture with a telescope. Wide load! You so — er…Where are you going?

I probably shouldn’t heckle the animals. At least this koala was more accommodating. Comes with eating an absolutely shit diet of fibrous, low nutrition, poisonous (to most animals) eucalyptus leaves. The sleep between 18 to 22 hours a day, according to Google. I’m lucky this guy’s eyes were open.

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Speaking of poor nutrition, have you met the panda? When they aren’t eating stringy, grassy bamboo, they load up on cookies, apparently. Those crumb covered paws are a testimony to your gluttony, mister. For shame…

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On the plus side, I was very pleased his attempts to overcome his diabetes made him active enough to really pose for the camera. No doubt he’s in insulin shock at the moment but at least I have good pictures.

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I ate this whole plate aaalll byyy myyyseellffff!

Have you seen their hippo?..No…Too easy. I don’t know how this turned into fat shaming zoo animals, but I need to stop.

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Dear Photographer-Guy: Eat a Dick. ~ Hippo

Right then. I’ll end with my two favorite pictures of the day – thanks Good Sir (Lady) Elephant, for being such an amazing model!

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I went to see the tapirs again; last time they cast some anti-paparazzi hex on my camera, causing my battery to fail as they were taking a nekkid swim. However, I purchased a Greater Charm of Hex Immunity for 1,000 gold and returned to get this picture.

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The black and white version of this is pretty stellar but I think the contrasty colors really makes this shot. I am 2/3rds through with the zoo. I still haven’t seen the reptile or temperate world mammal houses yet. There will be quite a few more on Flickr in a day or two; I’m in the middle of moving apartments here in Taipei. I’m moving…One building over. But this room is cheaper, on the first floor instead of the fifth, has all of the amenities of this one, and the kicker: 300M fiber instead of 100M fiber internet. I…Still don’t know how M fiber compares to US speed analysis, but I’m guessing bigger numbers are better in this case.

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